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“Who should make the first offer? “Are we put at any disadvantage if we do or if we don’t make the first offer?” “How shall we respond if they make a first unreasonable offer?” These are questions we are constantly asked when advising clients in negotiations.

The conventional theory upon which these questions are based, is that by putting out a first offer, you have the advantage of anchoring expectations around that offer, and the further the other side deviates from that “anchor” the more unreasonable they appear. They are therefore limited in their range of deviation by that anchor, or so the theory goes.

In our experience however, this seldom works. Usually the other side becomes defensive and emotional. They skillfully perform the artful “flinch”, followed by a brazen, equally extreme and unrealistic counter-offer.

So our answer to the “First Offer Dilemma” is: “It really doesn’t matter as long as you possess and apply a potent negotiation process, refined technique and practiced skill!”

This is a question we are often asked by clients. Why won’t they agree? Why are they not listening to us? Why are they not giving us what we want? Why are they being so unreasonable?

When faced with that question, my response is usually “What are you doing or not doing that is allowing them to behave in that way?”

Consider the following report about our chief diplomat’s recent efforts to persuade Bagdad to establish a no-fly zone over Iraqi airspace for Iranian aircraft flying supplies in support of Assad.

“We had a very spirited discussion on the subject of the overflights.” Or so said John Kerry, on Sunday, after the unannounced visit to Baghdad that preceded his unannounced visit to Afghanistan. Kerry told the Iraqis the U.S. did not appreciate Iranian arms reaching Syrian strongman Bashir al-Assad’s hands via Iraqi airspace. “I also made it clear to him that there are members of Congress and people in America who increasingly are watching what Iraq is doing and wondering how it is that a partner in the efforts for democracy and a partner for whom Americans feel they have tried so hard to be helpful — how that country can be, in fact, doing something that makes it more difficult to achieve our common goals, the goal expressed by the prime minister with respect to Syria and President Assad.” (Foreign Policy Magazine March 25, 2013).